0 Bitter.

I'm really wondering if there's honestly nothing wrong with me and I'm blowing things out of proportion.  I fucking frustrated.  I'm bitter about everything, and everything even the slightest bit of offensive to me is making me mad.  I don't have real opinions about anything, just regurgitated feelings from what I was taught as a kid.  The CRAZY part is, most of those things are everything I was against as a teenager.  And then there's everything I'm still against.  It's like...a conundrum.  I typed a bunch of shit and erased it.  I decided I don't care about these opinions of others on things that I don't care about.  I think I'm pretty ignorant.  I don't know how to feel about things.  I feel like a teenager trapped inside the life of a god damn adult, and I'd really just like to not be grounded any more and go hang out with my friends.  HA!  Friends.  After high school, you realize that what friends you have are merely nice acquaintances.  It was convenient to be friends because we were all at the same school and had things in common.  Then after you graduate, you find out that the things that matter the most to you, you don't have in common with that person so see-you-later-alligator.  I just want whatever's wrong with my FUCKING brain to stop.  I'm sick of snapping at Jessy all the time over petty things.  I just want to be happy.  I just want to enjoy life, care about myself.  At the moment, I could give a fuck less about my well-being.  It's not that I want to die, by any means.  I still shower, get myself up in the morning.  I'm still doing some of the dishes, I wiped down the counter the other day.  But this table next to me is pretty rough.  The living room, also rough.  Bedroom is a mass of clothes strewn across the floor.  My life is falling apart.  I just want a friend to come over and help me figure this out.  I know it's a little much to ask for, I should be a big girl and clean my OWN FUCKING HOUSE, but I'm just having the hardest fucking time.  

In some coherent irl news to the random googlers that come across this blog:  I'm getting my license address fixed next week which might help me get help...I'm going to try to get help from this hospital place that provided healthcare for people that are ineligible for medicaid, but can't afford it on their own. =(  I just want mental help.  I'm sick of going insane.