1 A reply...

A friend of mine has been trying to hang out with me for about a month now. This was my sad excuse as to why I haven't:

=( Someday when I'm not a flake and failure. Possibly never. I know this is going to sound like some big pity party...I honestly have no friends. This is the reason. I never have "time" to hang out. The time I have that I would be hanging out with people disappears into nothing because my house and life is utter chaos. I sit online and do absolutely nothing to fix it because I have no motivation/urge to get up and do something. So because I get so distracted online that I don't clean up the house, I never do anything that I actually would like to do. Like play my guitar. Paint something pretty. Do my nails. Write a song, a poem, even a line.

I end up hating my life more and more and never feel like doing anything about it. I think the most that I've done thus far is push myself to get into school, but at this point, it's looking like that might not even happen until next spring. On top of everything else, I'm jobless, live with my 31 year old boyfriend and his mom and play video games all day. The cycle never ends and I can't seem to break it. I tried to at one point in time, before I even started the game, but in the end, I realized it probably wouldn't get done anyway, so I decided to just join with him on the game, so we could both sit in our trashy disgusting house.

It's a catch-22 in the end.

I'm sorry to kinda go off like this, or on and on like this (as the case may be) but my life feels like an emotional roller coaster that steadily rises and falls with the events that occur. Time is relative. Life is pointless. I exist.